Operation: Demogorgon has stalled out at the same 4,000 words I last reported on. I've been struggling to figure out what my problem is, and why I cant move forward. Here are a few of the sad conclusions I came to.
First is a lack of discipline. I really need to just harden the fuck up and just write everyday. No more bloody excuses.
Secondly, and a this is a truth that's hard to admit, is fear. Fear of this thing sucking. Fear of what the critics, and particularly the very opinionated and passionate OSR community might say about it. After all this project is meant to be directed towards them, since I do plan on it being a Swords & Wizardry product. Fear of failure. Better to have never tried, than to have done it and joined the bloated ranks in the Legion of Suck and Fail.
Here's the deal. In the time that I have spent lurking in the OSR blogo-sphere, I've seen some pretty amazing stuff come out. I mean just look at the Swords & Wizardry core rules PDF itself. It's a solid, well put together piece of work with great art, and it's free. Then I look at all the other awesome modules that have been produced. I look at their low price point and high quality and it blows my socks off. When I see a guy like James over at Lamentations of the Flame Princess, I feel like there's just no way a guy like me can compete with his amazing work. What he's doing is more than a hobby, it's a second job, and that's not really what I'm doing this for. I want to share with the community. I want be apart of something greater. I'm not interested in making any money out of the deal. At least not in the RPG business anyway. I feel like those who do of the OSR, don't get the full credit they deserve. Seriously you guys do some damn good work, and my hat is off to you all! You make it look easy, and I'm discovering that is so not the case.
So yeah, I have this fear that Just cant live up to the standards of the OSR. But not only that, it's a fear that being from the d20 era, I just don't get the old school mentality. Because of this lack of understanding I feel that whatever I write will be blatantly rejected by the OSR, for failing to be old school. I'll admit that I do understand that there's more to it than just the rules, that it has to do with your mindset and how you approach the game itself. So perhaps this fear is unfounded bull-shit on my part.
So now that it's out there and I recognize that I have some issues, how am I going to deal with them?
As I already said I need to just do it. I need to power on and stop being such a self conscious whiny little bitch. I need to be someone who does, and not someone who just shoots his mouth off about doing something.
In addition I've decided that I'm going to start opening up a little during this week about what the project is, and a preview of what it's all about. Tomorrow, I will talk about the approach I want to use to convey the information in the module.